DeAN

Ok, T.

I keep thinking about you, a lot. What you mean.

What you meant to me.

What I remember.

How I literally was willing to have you land on me instead of fall into a burning flame. How seeing you again made my life change entirely. Who are you to me?

And D. I saw you in the stair cleaner. I think I see you randomly. How you and J were the first people I smoked weed with and how we freaked out together in your car. Just collectively lost our shit. Because we needed to. We were all nervous but knew something bigger was happening.

J- Life was cruel, but you were worse.

P. I am sorry I played with your ideals so intensely. I never did anything with you, but you were the first guy I conscious masterbated and got off to, while we spoke on the phone in 7th grade. Ha! Yeah, you would have been a lot more to me. It is true, I sobbed in the car in front of my boyfriend because I wanted to be more to you always and never knew what to do about it.

G, I am starting to believe that the similarities in you are helping me to truly find love. My first terrible kiss. How you always spoke you anger towards me with your best friend as your voice, never you—like looking into my eyes while you were upset would destroy you entirely. You know, G, I appreciate that, actually.